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How to Not Get Overwhelmed and Numb To It All
I'm not sure where your thoughts or emotions are at right now, friend.
And over the last few days I've been running through a spectrum of grief and hope and despair and anger marked with sparks of action and creativity.
I've also been ruminating around what feminist marketing consultant Kelly Diels (she/her) calls my spot on the wall.
The rawness of my core wound comes around every year.
The most vulnerable thing I could ever do is ask if you'd spend my birthday with me.
Even as I write the words, tears flood my eyes and spill over.
A knot clenches in my gut, and my throat becomes so tight it's almost impossible for me to breathe.
I try to swallow it down, but the icy terror in my heart threatens to heave up and out of my body.
This is How To Hold Yourself When Others Can't
I'm not sure I've ever experienced being more lonely than I have in the last several months.
Not alone...
But lonely.
That certain kind of loneliness that exists when I'm with other people
This is how you can honor your body's wisdom and sensitize to the celebrations of life
When I sit down to write to you, I consider what I'm going through, what I'm learning, and what I need.
I also pour over the threads I witness weaving themselves through the lives of my clients.
Yesterday some pain in my body had moved on, and I felt a sense of joy and happiness reignite within.
Do you want to pull me in closer or push me away?
Do you need space right now?
Or do you want someone to pull you in close?
We all have fears of abandonment in one form or another.
We just have different ways of managing those fears.
I've got deep questions around relationships right now.
Distancing in the form of individuation and differentiating yourself from your partner is normal and healthy.
It supports autonomy and growth and prevents enmeshment and...
I dare say...
a toxic intimacy that snuffs out the possibility of passion.
Can We Grieve This Pandemic Freeze State Together?
I spent the first half of yesterday contemplating the freeze we're all in.
A cycle of stillness and rest...
And also a stress cycle of numb and stuck and cold.
It's been a long yin-state since February.
Three Ways to Return to Our Priorities in Pandemic Times
We have been doing this pandemic thing for over five months now.
Social distancing, sheltering-in-place, masks, hands-washing, working from home, online learning.
In some ways I've adapted.
In other moments I've completely lost my way.
The isolation grips my heart and twists. I take a breath through the tears anyway.
I see us each in some infinite space standing ten feet apart.
In our own little worlds.
Isolated.
And together.
I don't want to be courageous. I don't want to do hard things.
Over the last two years, my oldest child (and not much of a child anymore) has been learning how to run a business around owning, raising, and selling a goat.
Twice a week she was going to the ranch to take care of her goat while splitting chores and responsibilities with other kids learning to do the same thing.
Last week she sold her goat at auction...and for quite the profit.
This is How to Orient Toward Thriving in a Pandemic
At some point in the last few weeks I’ve sunk deeper into the realization that
Things aren’t going to change anytime soon.
I realized I’ve been treading water.
Legs scissor-kicking underwater.
This is How You Love Yourself (and your partner and the collective) in All The Ways
I've been thinking about you.
It's been weeks since I've written, and that doesn't mean I haven't had you on my mind.
I've written drafts around:
We were born into a culture of injustice...and here's how we change it.
You and I.
We were born into a culture of oppression we did not consent to.
My youngest son...
A brown boy born in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia...
Several days ago I threw a glass at the floor and shattered it....
I wasn't angry.
I wasn't triggered.
And several days ago I picked up a glass and shattered it on the floor.
I was frustrated.
I was beyond my capacity.
This is How You Take Ownership of Your Sexuality
You may not be having sex or as much sex as you want with your partner during this pandemic.
Maybe—like me—your partner and you are sheltering-in-place in different locations.
You may be single or dating.
This is How To Give Yourself What You Most Need Right Now
I feel like I'm in the tornado outer funnel right now...
Just hanging on...
And hoping I don't get spit out in a manure patch.
This was shared with me recently, and I thought, That's about right.
This is Why Video Chatting with Your Loved Ones is So Hard
Before all of this happened, my partner and I already had a lot of experience with distance.
Being in an international, long distance relationship is hard.
Closed borders.
She's a frontlines healthcare worker.
I'm a trauma-informed sex and intimacy coach.
Side by Side, Back to Back, This is How You Two Co-Create Your Life Moving Forward
Maybe the two of you have different ideas around what to do with your time.
Maybe the stress is affecting you each differently.
Maybe what you need right now is different.
And...
This is How I Realized My Heart is Numbed
Sometime recently a friend forwarded me a list of journaling prompts, questions to explore and really look at around pandemic, coronavirus, social distancing, COVID-19, shelter-in-place, quarantine, isolation, ventilators, ICU.
I kept her email and every once in awhile would open it up and read through the questions.
Well, actually, I'd read the first prompt and stop.
This is how COVID-19 stress is affecting my relationship. How are you doing in yours?
I'm not proud of it.
In fact I have some shame....
A few days ago I unceremoniously turned my phone on airplane mode for five or so hours.
A part of me knew it would hurt my partner.