The rawness of my core wound comes around every year.

Dearest,

The most vulnerable thing I could ever do is ask if you'd spend my birthday with me.

Even as I write the words, tears flood my eyes and spill over.

A knot clenches in my gut, and my throat becomes so tight it's almost impossible for me to breathe.

I try to swallow it down, but the icy terror in my heart threatens to heave up and out of my body.

Sigh.

It's been like this every year going back so far that I can't remember a time when it was otherwise.

The sensations of my core wound are unmistakable, and with them are unmet needs and stories of invisibility, being ignored, and on the most basic level...the experience and/or fear of being abandoned.

Here's how my story goes.

Or wait.

Maybe we don't need to trade sob stories today.

Instead, perhaps we roll up our sleeves and gently set about doing core wound work.

Here are seven steps to work with your core wound and core need:

STEP ONE: Decide

Maybe you do this with your partner.

Maybe you do it on your own.

Maybe you're familiar with what your core wound is.

Maybe you aren't.

Perhaps take some time to examine an issue that’s been coming up for you.

Maybe it's aggression, defensiveness, a closed heart, numbness, resistance, a thought pattern, a mask, a way of being, an emotional experience.

Decide on one thing that’s been causing an issue in your life or your relationship...something that is going on with you.

STEP TWO: Safety

Connect with a piece of you that feels safe or comfortable, perhaps predictable or reliable.

• This might be a firmness in the bottom of the feet.
  

• A solidness in the right thigh.
  

• A power in the left shoulder blade.

Breathe in and out of this space and feel it's there for you any time you need to come into an embodied sense of safety in your body and in the present moment.

Especially come back to this sensation and location in your body if at any time while reading these steps or moving through them you feel a sense of panic, overwhelm, or anxiety.

STEP THREE: Feel and Describe

Breathe in and out of your lower belly.

Feel this thing you’re working on.

Where do you feel it in your body?

What are the sensations?

If it’s a thought pattern, where do you actually feel this thought?

How does it feel in your body?

If it’s defensiveness, where do you feel the defensiveness in your body?

What kind of sensations are associated with it?

Describe what you feel and experience inside of this thing.

STEP FOUR: Look Underneath

Keep breathing.

Invite your body soften.

And then ask yourself:

What is beneath this?

What need is underneath this?

You might ask these questions again and again, sitting in silence and breathing and listening until an answer emerges.

Feel for this need.

What do you need underneath this thing?

With your eyes closed, name this need.

Maybe “I need to be loved” or “I need to be safe” or something else like this.

STEP FIVE: Share and Allow

Share how it felt to not have this need met in your life.

Breathe even more deeply and fully.

Allow yourself to fully feel all the emotions associated with having not gotten your need met.

Sound if you need.

Move.

Feel the emotions running through you as well as any thought patterns or experiences.

Allow them and keep breathing.

STEP SIX: Offer

Offer yourself what you most need.

Or if your partner is willing and able, invite them to say to you:

• “I will give you [core need].”
  

• “It is safe to receive [core need]."
  

• "I accept you in having [core need]."
  

• "You belong with [core need]."
  

• "I love you for having [core need].”

STEP SEVEN: Integrate and Rest

Notice how it feels having offered this to yourself or having heard it from your partner.

Consider what would feel good to you right now.

What would help you feel loved, supported, and safe?

Take time to be gentle with yourself or ask your partner to cuddle and hold you.



Even though every year I can anticipate these experiences...

And every year I do healing on a new level...

The embodied grief and fear along with the sensation and emotion is raw.

You feel me?

Sending you love as you feel and heal your own wounds and meet your own needs,
Daniela