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I was peeing in the car every few seconds from a UTI
Daniela Stevens Daniela Stevens

I was peeing in the car every few seconds from a UTI

Several years ago I developed a UTI so painful that in the car on the way to the emergency room, I was peeing every few seconds onto a stack of cloth diapers I'd placed under me.

The few seconds of relief I had paled into comparison to the sharp, burning, twisting pain I felt.

The UTIs I've experienced I've never directly correlated to having sex either consciously or unconsciously.

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The rawness of my core wound comes around every year.
Daniela Stevens Daniela Stevens

The rawness of my core wound comes around every year.

The most vulnerable thing I could ever do is ask if you'd spend my birthday with me.

Even as I write the words, tears flood my eyes and spill over.

A knot clenches in my gut, and my throat becomes so tight it's almost impossible for me to breathe.

I try to swallow it down, but the icy terror in my heart threatens to heave up and out of my body.

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This is How I Realized My Heart is Numbed
Daniela Stevens Daniela Stevens

This is How I Realized My Heart is Numbed

Sometime recently a friend forwarded me a list of journaling prompts, questions to explore and really look at around pandemic, coronavirus, social distancing, COVID-19, shelter-in-place, quarantine, isolation, ventilators, ICU.

I kept her email and every once in awhile would open it up and read through the questions.

Well, actually, I'd read the first prompt and stop.

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5 Things #MeToo Needs You To Heal In Your Relationship
Daniela Stevens Daniela Stevens

5 Things #MeToo Needs You To Heal In Your Relationship

When I shared with my partner that the foundation of my sex life has been guilt and pressure and performing pleasure for the benefit of lovers I've been with...

It didn't go well.

My partner and I were frozen around what to do after this revelation.

What did it mean about our relationship?

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