Several days ago I threw a glass at the floor and shattered it....
I wasn't angry.
I wasn't triggered.
And several days ago I picked up a glass and shattered it on the floor.
I was frustrated.
I was beyond my capacity.
And it completely caught me off guard.
Of course there’s more to this story, and I did immediately set to repairing my relationships with each individual who witnessed and heard this moment.
And it scared me.
It scared everyone in the house.
I cried on the floor of a dark closet until I couldn't cry anymore. And then I wondered WTF had happened.
Throughout this whole pandemic experience, I've let my grief flow.
( And there's been a lot. )
I haven't suppressed it or stuffed into neat and tidy corners.
I've also felt the bubbling of helplessness and frustration, irritation and even anger.
There's a sense of feeling caged and restless
AND
A deep need to be held tight and loved and accepted for all I’m feeling in this moment.
Does that make sense?
For awhile now I've been wondering how to both offer myself sound privacy and offer the people I'm living with safety around expressing these sensations and emotions as they come up.
Here are six steps for safely and succinctly expressing a spectrum of sensations and emotions:
STEP ONE: Safety
Look for an opportunity when you have sound privacy, because sounding really helps with this practice.
If you don't have privacy, you can sound at a low level while inviting yourself to feel each emotion completely.
You may also want a physically private space where no one is going to walk in on you for a few minutes.
It may support you to feel safer if you lock the door and check the lock by turning the door knob.
You'll also want a space where you can lie down and you're not going to hit anything when you move around freely.
I've also one a slightly restricted version of this in a parked car, so I encourage you to explore what invites safety and privacy for you.
STEP TWO: Anger
Lying down with your knees up toward the ceiling and your palms facing down, set a timer for one minute.
Invite yourself to roar, to yell, to scream, to kick, to bang on the bed or the floor.
UNLEASH.
You can channel real emotion by bringing up memories.
If you feel stuck, then act out the emotion until you become able to channel it.
When the timer goes off, rest for 15-20 seconds.
STEP THREE: Grief
Set a timer again for one minute.
Invite your body to feel and release grief.
FLOW.
Move into whatever position feels most natural.
Maybe you curl into a ball on your side.
Maybe your hands are raised up to the ceiling.
Again, memories can support you to connect with sensation and emotion.
Act it out with your body until it comes forward to be released.
Rest for 15-20 seconds after the timer goes off.
STEP FOUR: Pleasure
Allow yourself to connect with pleasure and turn-on for another sixty seconds.
Touch and move your body sensuously.
Vocalize the experience of being in your body and feeling good.
WRITHE.
Bring fantasies or memories into focus if that supports the sensation to come alive.
Invite your body to move in that direction until it's authentic and flowing.
When the timer goes off, rest for 15-20 seconds.
STEP FIVE: Random
With another minute on the timer, encourage any random, weird, or awkward movements and sounds to come forth.
Any shaking, pounding, jerking, twisting kicking.
Allow animal sounds, yodeling, clucking, or lip vibrations to have their time.
And then rest.
STEP SIX: Joy
Finally, come into a state of joy, peace, innocence.
Maybe bring into the mind's eye sunshine, warmth, radiance.
Maybe memories or sensations of happiness.
Bring a smile to your face.
Embody joy.
After a minute, relax.
Take as much time as you need to integrate what you experienced.
Ahhhhhhhh.
You (and me) are a full-spectrum human being living through unprecedented times with full and complete permission to safely and appropriately feel what you're feeling.
Sending you so much love,
Daniela
P.S. I still have clearly defined and priced sliding scale rates for sessions.
If you desire support and guidance, my availability is here for a free 20-minute consultation by phone or video.
