I've got deep questions around relationships right now.

Distancing in the form of individuation and differentiating yourself from your partner is normal and healthy.

It supports autonomy and growth and prevents enmeshment and...

I dare say...

a toxic intimacy that snuffs out the possibility of passion.

Fire needs oxygen.

Photo by Mohamed Nohassi

( And maybe I'll move away from the fire metaphors, as California and other states are burning right now. )

Still.

Distancing that leads to partners being secretive, dismissive, attacking, avoidant, and running away means there aren't boundaries.

There isn't safety.

There isn't security.

There isn't a shared sense of "I'm in your care and you're in mine."

I've been listening to this podcast episode with Stan Tatkin and thinking a lot about relationships.
 

• Why be a couple?
   

• What's the point?
   

• Why are you a couple?
   

• Who or what does your relationship serve?

While so many of us don't consciously set out to answer these questions in our relationships, things like pandemics and evacuations and fires can sharply bring into clarity decisions we've been on the fence around.

Kids? Divorce? Marriage? That new career path? 

When it becomes clear that life is short, how do you want to spend the rest of your days?

In deep thought, and inviting you in with me,
Daniela