7 Steps for Reclaiming Our Pleasure, Connection, and Interdependence
Love,
I need to remind us that sex is important.
Intimacy is important.
Closeness...is important.
We are created for pleasure.
We are designed for interdependence.
We are meant for connection.
And that nagging dull emptiness and hunger for something...
We won't find release from it in accomplishing, achieving, buying, cleaning, or losing ten pounds.
Avoiding it, running from it, negating it, excusing it away, putting up blocks...
That'll only make it louder.
Hyperproductivity, role restriction, the age of perfection, hustle culture, diet culture have contributed to us losing touch with our innate primordial energy.
It's not our fault.
We are not broken.
What we're looking for is within us.
What we're aching for is possible with our partner.
( They're experiencing it, too. )
It's what connects us to a celebration of life.
It's what allows us to feel fully alive and fully connected.
And what...
in this moment...
right here and right now...
is preventing us from the sex and intimacy that we want and desire?
Sexual trauma?
Religious trauma?
Resentment?
Fear?
Numbness?
Pain?
Skill?
Energy?
Time?
Yes.
Those.
Each of them.
All of them.
Photo by Toa Heftiba
So here are seven steps you can take with your partner to consciously, intentionally begin to reconnect and root back into your body and back into your relationship:
STEP ONE: START A SEX PRACTICE
A Sex Practice is the ritual of your partner and you routinely co-creating a specific time and place for connecting, communicating, and/or healing with the intention of moving toward sexual intimacy together.
STEP TWO: PLAN
Decide on a date and time when your partner and you have one hour of private, uninterrupted, focused time.
You can think of it as a date night or even a date morning.
You can schedule it as a meeting with your partner or consider it like a weekly relationship workshop.
Make sure you both put it on your calendars, and honor it as a commitment to one another and your relationship.
Then take care of any babysitting or other responsibilities that might get in the way of the two of you enjoying this time together.
Turn off your phone, and make sure your pets are happy and occupied.
STEP 3: PREPARE
Leading up to your Sex Practice, prepare yourselves emotionally by offering your partner love in their primary Love Language and requesting love in your primary Love Language.
This can support you both to feel resourced and grounded in loving and being loved when you arrive to your Sex Practice.
Next, prepare yourselves erotically by considering what invites your partner and you into pleasure around your primary Erotic Blueprints.
Think about what you each might want to bring into the space to accelerate...[to keep reading and for the rest of the steps click here.]
Our society and culture have let us down when it comes to offering the role models, resources, and skills to experience deep connection along with the sex we want and the intimacy we desire.
It's up to us to reclaim them.
Offering so much love,
Daniela
