This is Why You Can't Solve Your Relationship Problems
Back in September of 2016 I wrote this blog. Every day I experience just how important it is to have someone (and ideally multiple people!) who can hold space for you and for your relationship without judgement or the need to fix things....
Many years ago, I found myself laid off from my teaching job, caring for two young children, and floundering.
Oh, yeah. And my spouse and I were fighting.
I would yell at him from the doorway while he was sitting on the couch looking at me blankly.
Then I would leave in a rage, wondering where I could go to figure things out and wondering who would understand.
I was in so much pain.
That was until I opened up a book about relationships and realized this wasn’t about the relationship or about him.
It was about me.
Shit.
That was the moment I figured out I was depressed, but by then my relationship had already suffered some pretty damaging consequences.
Photo by Nik Shuliahin on Unsplash
So who do you talk to when you have relationship problems?
Do you let them fester and stuff them deep down inside? Do you rant to anyone who will listen?
Jensen and Rauer (2016) found who you talk to about problems in your relationship affects how much love you feel toward your partner.
Back then, I didn’t have anyone consistent in my life to talk to — no one who could show up for me, hold space, and help me figure things out.
I also learned that talking to family can upset the dynamics of birthdays and holidays while talking to friends can turn into all talk and no action.
I felt like I had been trying to talk to my spouse about it. But I hadn’t been going about it the right way.
I had to find support from the outside.
In my case, it started with a book. And a couple of years later I worked with a subjective outsider who had no personal investment in me or my relationship. He was just there to support me.
That’s the beauty of working with a sex, love, and relationships coach. They can listen, provide insight and support, and suggest exercises so you can take meaningful action.
You are worth it, and so is your relationship.
In love and support,
Daniela
P.S. If it feels helpful and supportive, you're welcome to schedule a 20-minute free consultation with me by phone or video chat.
