To Be Chosen, You Have To Communicate Your Needs First

Hey, sweetness,

I see you relaxing back, receiving so much love and care and support that you need and want.

I see you doing it with ease and it coming to you so lusciously.

Here's the thing, though.

Most sitcoms don't show the characters knowing what they want, communicating what they want, or getting what they want.

They show the passive aggressive, eye roll behind the back, laugh track, pithy commentary.

Many movies don't even get to the part of the long term, committed relationship where communication is required.

We see the honeymoon chemistry.

We watch the breakdown and life transition...to honeymoon chemistry.

We're left with a huge absence of reality reflected to us.

It's no wonder we try to communicate telepathically with our partner and/or want them to meet our needs and wants without us even knowing ourselves.

"I want them to just do it without me having to ask."

Like...telepathically to know?

"They should just know by now."

They should?

Are you sure?

Here are four tools for getting clear on what you want so you can communicate with your partner, friends, co-workers, family, and others who may be open to supporting you.

TOOL 1: Most Loving Thing

It takes a minute.

Pause and ask yourself, "What's the most loving thing I can do for myself right now?"

Maybe it's slow down. Perhaps it's to do the thing you've been avoiding. Possibly it's to offer yourself compassion.

It may also be something you need help around from your partner, friend, co-worker, or neighbor.

Ask.

TOOL 2: Celebrations, Clearings, Desires

Set a timer on your phone for one minute. Then say out loud or write down or draft an email to yourself everything you can celebrate right now until the timer goes off. "I celebrate this...I celebrate that...I celebrate this...I celebrate that...."

Set the timer for another minute, and speak, write, or type everything you want to clear, release, let go, etc. "I release this...I clear that...I don't want this...I let go of that...."

Last time. For another sixty seconds focus on everything and anything you desire. "I desire this...I desire that...I want this...I want that...."

This quick brainstorm gives you a landscape of what's going well, what you don't want or what's not going well, and what you want from here...action steps in disguise.

Offer them to yourself, communicate them to your partner, request them from others.

TOOL 3: The Bubble

Stand up and raise your arms up to the sky and around you like you're tracing a bubble all around your body.

See the color of the bubble: maybe pearl, maybe silver, maybe gold, maybe iridescent.

Set a timer on your phone and for one minute, clear from the bubble everything you don't want to feel or experience or think. Use your hands to push it out of the space for extra fun. "I clear this...I release this...I no longer want this...This can get out of here...."

When the timer goes off, set it for sixty seconds more. Call into the bubble everything you want to feel, to experience, to enjoy. "I call in this...I bring this in...I desire this...I want that...."

Bask in the energy bubble of everything you want. Feel it in your body. And then offer to yourself what you most want. Talk to your partner, support system, and community around how they can help, too.

TOOL 4: Relationship Foundations

Get clear on what you most want and need from a romantic relationship.

Use this likert scale to determine which three of these most common needs and wants are important to you.

Then get clear on how you want them to be offered to you and how you can request and invite them.

Finally...communicate this with your partner. :)


If you feel you're not being chosen by your partner, not feeling loved or supported, make sure you're looking in the mirror and asking yourself if you're clearly communicating to your partner what you need and want.

It's possible they don't know because you haven't told them. And they can't read your mind.

It's probable they've heard you say some version of what you want and don't know how to offer it to you.

My hope is inviting you to get clearer will lead to clearer communication with them and a greater likelihood of them feeling confident around offering to meet your needs and wants if they have capacity in a given moment.

Tell me what you think and how it goes. :)

Offering you so much love,
Daniela