This Is Why I Worry About Being Normal (and its effects on my relationship....)

Am I...normal?

This is a question I've asked myself many times around many different things.

If I dig deeper and ask myself what's underneath this question, it's about being belonging.

It's about being worthy.

It's about feeling deserving.

While social media and telecommuting give us convenience in connection, we often lose an embodied sense of belonging to our communities and with our colleagues.

At the same time popularizing nuclear families cut us off from the assistance, authenticity and wisdom of extended family.

If we're only getting together for special occasions, then what opportunities do we have to truly get to know one another?

When do we show up and be seen?

When do we feel truly heard?

When do we feel loved and supported? 

Loving and supportive?

Image by iO Tillett Wright for Vogue.

Am I normal?

I keep asking myself this, I think, because humans are social beings that derive meaning in and from relationships.

Funnily enough, a researcher showed that how happy you are about your sex life may depend on how much sex you think other people around you are having.

Which may have been why on this week's episode of The Epic Couple's Journey Podcast I asked Shaun, 

What do you learn about relationships when you have the opportunity to sit and talk with other couples?

He reminded me of what  Emily Nagoski says in her book Come As You Are:

"Despite our culture's vested interest in making us feel broken, dysfunctional, unlovely, and unlovable, we are in fact fully capable of confident, joyful sex...You are normal; it is the world around you that's broken."

I needed to hear that.

I needed to be reminded.

We are all the same.

We are all different.

We are all normal.

Come As You Are signboard from Small Wood Home.

So if you can accept yourself—and your relationship—as normal, this weekend I invite you and your partner to get clear on what you want—and how much of it you want—by taking this sexual assessment separately and then talking about your answers. (Your answers are emailed to you.)

You consider questions like:

• How often do you have sex?
   

• How often do you wish you had sex?
   

• On a scale from 1-10 how honest are you with your partner about your desires? 

And then from a sense of clarity, your partner and you can build up momentum toward having the sex you want and the intimacy you desire.

Sending you both so much love,
Daniela