6 Steps to Shifting for Being Present and Connected
When my children were young, the hardest part was shifting.
If we were shifting from being in the house to leaving to go to the store,
or shifting from playing to putting on clothes,
or shifting from lunch to getting ready for a nap,
or shifting from being in the car to getting out of the car....
You get it.
It was an ordeal.
And I find I have the same challenges as an adult.
When I shift from being asleep to waking up and getting out of bed,
when I shift from dropping off at school to going to work,
when I shift from watching a show to having a conversation,
it's a little jolting and lacking in smoothness.
It's shifting that's hard.
Instead I want shifting between different states and mindsets and foci to be more like ombre and less like "complementary" colors.
That's why when I work with client couples and individuals, we begin our sessions first by shifting from what we were doing before to being grounded and centered within so we might be present and connected with one another.
So here are six steps for shifting smooth like ombre throughout your day:
STEP 1: Your Body's Needs
Pause.
Pause when you notice you're moving from one focus, mindset, or state.
Use this opportunity to check in with your body's needs and comfort.
Can you offer yourself 3%, 4%, even 6% more comfort right now?
Maybe you need to go to the bathroom, get something to eat, pour a glass of water.
Perhaps you need to adjust the light in the room or put a pillow behind your back or put on socks or take off a sweater.
Possibly you need to stretch or take a walk around the block or lay down for twenty minutes.
What does your body need right now? What is it asking of you? What is the gentle tug on your attention that is your body requesting your presence?
Address your body's needs.
STEP 2: Your Mind's Needs
Now that you've addressed your body a bit, shift to your mind.
What pieces and parts of you are loud in your head and need or want your attention?
Consciously allow yourself to review what you were just doing and maybe what the past week or weekend was like, too.
Intentionally support yourself to consider what you're going to do later in the day and later in the week or weekend.
Then notice if you can set down pieces of you that want to remember the past or plan the future so you can be present and connected, right here and right now.
You can use your imagination to set these pieces down outside of the room you're in or outside of the home or building you're in.
This supports you to connect with and listen to different parts of yourself (as opposed to bypassing, avoiding, or stuffing down) while establishing healthy boundaries internally.
STEP 3: Connect to Yourself and Your Inner Universe
Close your eyes or soften your gaze.
You might look down at your lap, down at the floor, or off in the distance if it feels good to keep your eyes open and relaxed.
Take some conscious, gentle breaths into your body and out of your body.
Notice if your body is open to breathing deeper...softer...slower...smoother.
Focus on your feet as you push your toes into the floor, then your heels into the ground, and then all of the edges of your feet into the surface under you.
Notice where you experience your center today.
Maybe it's a point in your chest.
Perhaps it's a ball of light bright from your heart.
Possibly it's a gravity center point in the center of your hips.
It could be a rod of strength and light running vertical up your center like your spine.
Breathe in and out focusing on the center of you.
STEP 4: Shift From Inner to Outer
Ask yourself, How might I like to shift to also having an awareness of the physical, external world, including other people, nature, objects, and more?
Explore taking small movements like wiggling your fingers and wiggling your toes.
Try wiggling other joints like wiggling your ankles, knees, hips, rolling your shoulders forward and back, wiggling your elbows, your wrists, and rolling your head on your neck.
Maybe stretch like you're waking up in the morning.
Then take your time blinking your eyes open or into focus.
STEP 5: Arrive and Orient to the External Physical World (thanks to Resmaa Menakem who introduced me to this practice in his Embodied Anti-Racist trainings)
Bend at the neck and look down at the floor.
Continue to move your head and neck and look up one side of the space you're in.
Hinge your head back and look up at the ceiling and then down the other side of the room.
Look over one shoulder and then the other. I call this the serial killer check.
Then let your eyes wander over things in front of you.
Notice things that feel good or safe or comforting or neutral for your eyes to rest on.
Acknowledge that you are safe enough, secure enough, supported enough in this physical, external environment.
Then take in the windows, the doors, the exits, so your primal brain consciously acknowledges that if you are safe or secure or supported enough in the world, you have agency and can leave.
STEP 6: Oscillate Between Yourself and Others
Practice the fluidity of checking in with your body, your mind, and your inner universe and also being with your partner, your co-workers, your communities, the collective, and the Earth.
We don't want to be so inwardly focused that we're unaware of others' needs or wants.
We don't want to be so outwardly focused that we're achieving without being able to rest or feel how we're doing inwardly.
Shifting offer us an opportunity to slow down and connect inward.
It gives us a moment to check in with ourselves so we might consciously determine our needs and our intentions before moving forward again.
When we don't take time to shift, we can grind our gears and show up with impatience, a chaotic mind, unnecessary frustration, and even explosive anger.
We gain so much self-awareness and more opportunities to take responsibility for ourselves when we shift toward being present and connected.
Try this out? Email me around what shifting is like for you, and if you find value in this practice.
Offering you so much love as I practice what I share,
Daniela
