I was peeing in the car every few seconds from a UTI

Hey, there,

Several years ago I developed a UTI so painful that in the car on the way to the emergency room, I was peeing every few seconds onto a stack of cloth diapers I'd placed under me.

The few seconds of relief I had paled into comparison to the sharp, burning, twisting pain I felt.

The UTIs I've experienced I've never directly correlated to having sex either consciously or unconsciously.

And if you have a vulva or you love someone with a vulva, fear of a painful UTI may be an obstacle to having the sex you want and the intimacy you desire.

So while medical advice abounds around what you can do daily to support urethral health, what you can do before sex to prevent UTIs, and what you can do afterwards to prevent them, too,

I want to support you to care for the fear within.

Photo by Hailey Kean

Here are four steps to connecting with fears you may have around having sex:

STEP ONE: Connect

Close your eyes or allow your eyes to become soft and unfocused.

Take some gentle breaths into your body, and activate a piece of you that fears having sex.

Notice where the fear arises in your body as a sensation.

Is it tight? Tense?

Maybe it's constricted, numb, or electric.

STEP TWO: Listen

Breathe into and out of the sensation and the location as if it had gills or lungs.

Then ask, "What do you need or want right now?"

The fear as a sensation might offer words or sentences, a color or an image.

STEP THREE: Acknowledge

Say to this piece in return, "I hear you" or "That makes so much sense."

STEP FOUR: Support

Ask this piece if it feels open to receiving what it needs or wants.

Maybe request more detail around how this piece wants to receive security or love or safety or compassion.

Then follow through and offer this piece of you what it most needs and wants right now.


By listening to your fear you can honor it and begin to create an embodied, authentic experience of self-love and self-compassion toward bringing forth your sexuality and pleasure.

You are worthy and deserve it. :)

Offering so much love,
Daniela