What Are You Not Hearing From Your Partner?

“Who knows how you received my yes,” she said.

Recently my partner and I were talking about whether we were going to an event together.

We’d spoke about it a few weeks earlier and then dropped it.

I thought it was undecided.

She thought it was decided.

And for me it’s become another lesson around how my inner wounding impacts what I can listen for

and what I actually hear.

So many of us are caught up in the routine of listening that we don’t even hear our partner.

We don’t allow there to be space for new and unexpected conversation or dialogue.

We need our partner and relationship to be safe and stable and stoic so we can get on with things and handle other aspects of our life.

And

what if your relationship needs the same

( or more )

care?

What if you were hearing your partner?

Image by Mimi Thian

Here are 8 steps for hearing your partner:

STEP 1:

Decide who will speak first, and set a timer for time minutes.

The first speaker begins talking about what they desire for the next year–what you want to experience, feel or create.

The first listener listens while thinking about something else.

( Let this be playful and light. )

When the timer goes off, thank each other for listening and for sharing.

STEP 2:

First speaker keep talking about your desires for the upcoming year, and set the timer for two minutes.

First listener, listen with your full body.

Pay attention to your partner’s body language, their tone of voice, their words.

Bring your full presence to every word and listen fully and completely to your partner.

Thank each other when the timer goes off.

STEP 3:

For two more minutes, first speaker, keep speaking about your desires for the upcoming year.

First listener listen with the understanding that you will share what you heard your partner say.

When the timer goes off, thank one another.

STEP 4:

First listener, repeat to your partner what they shared with you, what you heard, as closely and exactly as you can.

STEP 5:

First speaker now let your partner know if what they shared with you from listening to you is true and accurate, whether they heard you correctly, or if there is something they didn’t fully get.

STEP 6:

First listener, now share it again.

Keep doing this until it feels accurate and until the first listening partner fully understands what the first speaker desires for the upcoming year.

Then thank one another.

STEP 7:

Switch roles and repeat the steps together.

STEP 8:

Share with one another:

• What did you experience?
  

• What did you learn?

And if the two of you would like guidance or support around communication, know that I'm here for you.

Sending so much love,
Daniela

P.S. You can schedule a 20-minute consultation with me by phone or Zoom video chat here.