What Your Partner and You Value Matters...A Lot
I'm just going to jump right to it.
One of the three foundations for a successful and fulfilling relationship is shared goals and values.
( The other two are sexual chemistry and conflict resolution style. )
And I've been thinking...
How do you know what you value?
How can your partner communicate what it is they value?
Back when I taught public speaking to college students, I had them focus on the needs and values of their audience.
So I dug through my old files to find Milton Rokeach's research in the book he wrote, The Nature of Human Values.
Here's what he came up with—eighteen of the most common values people have:
Comfortable life
Exciting life
Sense of accomplishment
World at peace
World of beauty
Equality
Family security
Freedom
Happiness
Inner harmony
Mature love
National security
Pleasure
Salvation
Self-respect
Social recognition
True friendship
Wisdom
Photo by Alvin Mahmudov
So here's what I invite you to do on your own and with your partner over the weekend:
STEP ONE: RATE
Read through these eighteen values and rate them from most meaningful and most valued in your life to least.
It may help you to think about concrete examples of those that feel abstract or arbitrary first.
STEP TWO: DEEPER
With each of your top three-to-five values, answer this question:
How would I know if I was experiencing ______?
For example, how would you know if you were experiencing family security? Or how would you know you were experiencing a world of beauty in your life?
STEP THREE: GUESS
Read through the list of eighteen values again, and I invite you to guess your partner's top three or four values.
How do you know what it is they value? How does it show up in their actions or words?
STEP FOUR: SHARE
Put your communication skills to work and vulnerably share and ask around one another's values.
They don't have to line up perfectly.
And...
What you value in your relationship together can emerge from this conversation.
From here, co-create a shared vision of what you value together and build your life from this moment forward around it.
Sending you so much love,
Daniela
P.S. If you desire support and guidance around co-creating your shared relationship vision, I am available for free 20-minute phone or video chat consultations.
