Desire is a Capitalist Tool

Desire is about longing, about wanting, about not-having. 

As I continue to consider why we focus on desire so much (“Why do I desire sex so much?” “Why don’t I desire sex more?” “Is there something wrong with me?”), I’ve come to realize our culture focuses on desire. 

They NEED us to focus on desire. 

Wanting what we don’t have—desiring it—is the absolute fuel of capitalism. 

We want a new, bigger TV. 

We have to work harder and longer to make the money to afford it. 

We line billionaires’ pockets. 

They become greedier and more power hungry. 

So they market to us a newer, bigger TV...made with cheaper elements for higher profits.

We extract more energy and creativity (labor and capitol) from our bodies for the desire instilled within us by advertising. 

And why do we fall for the marketing trick?

They make us believe that our lives will be happier, more fulfilling, more satisfying if we have the newer, bigger TV. 

Our partner will sit with us to stream something. 

Our kids will join us playing a thing. 

Our friends will come over and we’ll watch the thing together. 

Love. Connection. Belonging. 

But we don’t need the newer, bigger TV for that. 

Love, connection, and belonging with our partner, with our chosen family, with our community is ours without having to contribute to capitalism. 

And this same cycle screws over our sex lives, too. 

If we are the higher libido person, we likely experience a lot of desire and a lot of longing for sex with our partner. 

I’m wondering if the wanting feels more familiar and comfortable than the pleasure and connection we feel while having sex with our partner. 

And if we are the lower libido partner, we feel guilty and ashamed and broken if we don’t desire sex more.

I’m wondering if we aren’t longing for sex with our partner because we are curious about a different kind of sex…better sex, deeper sex, slower sex. 

When we desire sex with our partner and they’re not in the same place, we might fill that void with the newer, bigger TV. 

When we feel ashamed and broken for not desiring sex with our partner as often as they do, we might distract from that guilt with the newer, bigger TV. 

Capitalism needs us to focus on desire. 

Desire is a capitalist tool. 

We aren’t the problem. 

Desire isn’t the problem. 

We aren’t wrong. 

We aren’t bad. 

We aren’t broken. 

Capitalism is the problem. 

Capitalism is wrong. 

And we can experience love, connection, belonging, and pleasure outside of capitalism. 

We can turn off the TV. 

We can turn toward one another. 

This is my hope for us. :)

Offering love,
Daniela