More Around Desire Discrepancy

"On a scale from 1 to 10, how happy are you as a couple?"

Mr. and Mrs. Smith is a movie that's spoken to me for a long time.

It was trying to tell me something about long term committed relationships.

I sat with it for years before I figured it out.

Even though it's from a cis white heteronormative framing, it's still about two people experiencing what I call The Relationship Journey.

I see you relaxing back, receiving so much love and care and support that you need and want.

I see you doing it with ease and it coming to you so lusciously.

Here's the thing, though.

Most sitcoms don't show the characters knowing what they want, communicating what they want, or getting what they want.

When your partner and you were dating, you cleared out time to see one another, to do things, to have sex.

Sometimes you gave up sleep or money or a lunch hour or seeing friends to laugh and smile and experience one another.

I spontaneously went on a road trip to my friend's friend's place The Bearded Lady Pub to have some fun food (think beignets, fried Oreos, Twinkies, churros, cookie dough bites, etc.)

I gave myself permission to follow this whim despite not having any intentions or expectations.

Maybe inspired by Esther Perel's recent 7-day exploration around the art of foreplay...Perel first invites participants to focus on play.

Sometimes...

you just have to scrap it all and start at the beginning.

I have triggered tendencies that want to burn bridges and return to ash.

That's not what I'm talking about.

For just a moment, close your eyes or let them gently unfocus.

Breathe into your heart.

Is it open?

Can you expand and soften into your heart with some ease?

Sometimes I forget that I went 30-something years without ever experiencing orgasm.

Sometimes I forget I am a certified Tantric Sex Coach.

Sometimes I forget that we're here for the full-spectrum experience of being human.

You may not be having sex or as much sex as you want with your partner during this pandemic.

Maybe—like me—your partner and you are sheltering-in-place in different locations.

You may be single or dating.