I've been in a state of winter the last few months, which is weird because here in the Bay Area in California our winters are generally pretty mild.

But understanding how a person can go through seasons in their life...

How relationships can go through seasons in their intimacy...

Now you may be thinking, "WTF, Daniela?! Why would you ask me that?"

I get it.

It's a little taboo. It's a little confronting.

Last week Lili Loofbourow penned an opinion piece for The Week entitled The Female Price of Male Pleasure (You can check it out here.). 

In it, Loofbourow illuminates how men and how women experience sex in different ways.

"Bad sex" for men is likely to be described as having "a passive partner or a boring experience."

“I’ll start with some light kissing, helpful undressing, oiled caressing, and then get the special...followed by the recap.”

I hand him the menu.

“Would you like anything to drink?” he asks.

"Meetings are stupid."

That's Shaun talking, because he's got some really strong opinions about meetings.

He's worked in start-ups and big corporations, and from what I hear at home, that's what it boils down to:

Tell me about a beautiful, radiant woman walking down the street toward you. 

What does she look like?

What sensations does looking at her inspire inside of you?

When our kids were really little, I remember asking Shaun’s sister and our brother-in-law how they did it, how they made time to have sex.

They had two kids who were a little older, and their relationship seemed strong.

It’s not sexy, they told us, but you have to schedule sex.

I'm really curious, well, because it's my job to be curious around these sorts of things. 

Would you share with me what it is that you desire around sex with your partner?

Do you want more sex?
Do you want better sex?
Do you want a deeper connection during sex?

I invite you for a moment to imagine experiencing life within a couple bubble.

Imagine what it feels like to feel completely loved...absolutely safe...fully accepted...with the person you love and the person who loves you.

How happy do you let yourself be? 

How happy do you let yourself be in your relationship?

I really wish I could say I've found the key to happiness or that I could even define what happiness is. 

What do you do if you're experiencing challenges in your relationship that feel too heavy to bear on your own?

You try books...at least, one of you does.
You try talking it out.
You try avoiding it, ignoring it, and just plain hoping it'll go away.

I complimented you once. 

You may have hesitated before saying thank you.

You might have undermined it completely.

Hey, there,

When was the last time you celebrated a success?

How often do you stop to acknowledge your accomplishments?

So, what happens when your partner is invited to a bachelor or bachelorette party?

Do you two have a conversation?

Do you fight?

You want to know how #metoo affects you? Affects your relationship?

Fear is irrational.

Fear is illogical. 

My partner, Shaun, and I have been together for 17 years. We have three children, and we highly value family.

What happens, though, when valuing family is code for "avoiding your relationship" or even "avoiding....

MMmmmMMmm. Connected sex.

It's the same feeling I have as when I think of a donut.

I'm kind of serious....

Would you rather:

A: Unwind with TV
B: Have sex with your partner....

If I knew then what I know now....

What would you say to yourself before you took that next major step in your relationship? Or before you got married....

Over the last nine months I've been working full time on integrating the wisdom and experience of becoming a sex, love, and relationships coach.

You know what I learned...?