This is What You Need for Connection

Ohhhhhhh....

Connection has been in short supply these last few weeks.

It'll show up in a moment or two and then flitter away like a butterfly.

Photo by Nathan Dumlao

I love that I'm not fighting its delicate flow. 

I'm noticing.

I'm appreciating.

I'm witnessing.

And I'm not forcing it into being. I'm not shaming myself or blaming my partners. 

It is what it is.

And that's mildly funny given that I'm a sex and intimacy coach with all of the tools to invite clarity, communication, connection, healing, and sexual intimacy.

It starts with clarity, right?

Back on New Year's Eve I checked in with myself and with my partners.

What is it you need and want in a relationship?

I need safety, connection, and to feel understood.

Shaun needs love, respect, and connection.

Linnea, too, needs love, connection, and honesty.

When I feel lost or disconnected with myself I come back to these words, and I ground into them.

They are the foundation of our relationship.

They allow us to meet one another's needs.

They help us to feel safe and loved while calming our nervous systems.

They allow our relationship to take on a new shape.

They are the bubble that surrounds us.

Photo by Vitaliy Paykov

Here are three steps to finding your foundation to create a bubble around your relationship:

STEP ONE: Scale

Respond on a scale from 1 - 10 around how important is it for you to feel the following in your relationship where 1 means “I couldn't care less” and 10 means “I absolutely need this.” 

• How much do you need to, or want to, feel love? 
  
  

• How much do you need to, or want to, feel safety? 
  
  

• How much do you need to, or want to, feel security? 
  
  

• How much do you need to, or want to, feel respect? 
  
  

• How much do you need to, or want to, feel acceptance?
  
  

• How much do you need to, or want to, feel desire? 
  
  

• How much do you need to, or want to, feel care? 
  
  

• How much do you need to, or want to, feel connection? 
  
  

• How much do you need to, or want to, feel excitement? 
  
  

• How much do you need to, or want to, feel freedom? 

STEP TWO: Consider

Is there a question or quality that's missing that you most want to feel in your relationship?

Sometimes my clients have talked about wanting to feel desired or understood, for example.

If so, I invite you to rate that from 1 - 10.

STEP THREE: Collate

Take your top three ranked qualities and you have your foundation.

If you have several that tie, acknowledge that. Then see if you can whittle them down to the three most important to you right now.


Every person is different even if they have the three same words. 

And words mean different things to different people.

After doing this, though, you have your words.

If you'd like support around what to do after this, connect with me for a free consultation.

I'm sending you so much love,
Daniela