Blog
This is how you can honor your body's wisdom and sensitize to the celebrations of life
When I sit down to write to you, I consider what I'm going through, what I'm learning, and what I need.
I also pour over the threads I witness weaving themselves through the lives of my clients.
Yesterday some pain in my body had moved on, and I felt a sense of joy and happiness reignite within.
Do you want to pull me in closer or push me away?
Do you need space right now?
Or do you want someone to pull you in close?
We all have fears of abandonment in one form or another.
We just have different ways of managing those fears.
Three Ways to Return to Our Priorities in Pandemic Times
We have been doing this pandemic thing for over five months now.
Social distancing, sheltering-in-place, masks, hands-washing, working from home, online learning.
In some ways I've adapted.
In other moments I've completely lost my way.
Several days ago I threw a glass at the floor and shattered it....
I wasn't angry.
I wasn't triggered.
And several days ago I picked up a glass and shattered it on the floor.
I was frustrated.
I was beyond my capacity.
This is How You Take Ownership of Your Sexuality
You may not be having sex or as much sex as you want with your partner during this pandemic.
Maybe—like me—your partner and you are sheltering-in-place in different locations.
You may be single or dating.
This is Why Video Chatting with Your Loved Ones is So Hard
Before all of this happened, my partner and I already had a lot of experience with distance.
Being in an international, long distance relationship is hard.
Closed borders.
She's a frontlines healthcare worker.
I'm a trauma-informed sex and intimacy coach.
Side by Side, Back to Back, This is How You Two Co-Create Your Life Moving Forward
Maybe the two of you have different ideas around what to do with your time.
Maybe the stress is affecting you each differently.
Maybe what you need right now is different.
And...
This is How I Realized My Heart is Numbed
Sometime recently a friend forwarded me a list of journaling prompts, questions to explore and really look at around pandemic, coronavirus, social distancing, COVID-19, shelter-in-place, quarantine, isolation, ventilators, ICU.
I kept her email and every once in awhile would open it up and read through the questions.
Well, actually, I'd read the first prompt and stop.
This is how COVID-19 stress is affecting my relationship. How are you doing in yours?
I'm not proud of it.
In fact I have some shame....
A few days ago I unceremoniously turned my phone on airplane mode for five or so hours.
A part of me knew it would hurt my partner.
What is there really even to say to one another?
I'm feeling the urge to share so many things with you.
And...
I am concurrently holding a piece that's says, "What's the point? Where would I start?"
I'm curious if you're experiencing something similar when you turn to look at your partner at the end of the day...at the end of this unique week.
Does Your Relationship Err on the Side of Caution or Take Risks?
How are you doing?
How are you really doing?
I'm not the type to ask if I didn't really care.
So I honestly invite you to hit reply and share with me what you're really experiencing, really noticing in terms of your sensations, emotions, and thoughts.
This is how I knew my relationship needed to shift....
I didn't know what to do.
I didn't know how to figure out what to do.
I was feeling emotions, sensations...having tons of thoughts.
Everything was spinning and whirling around.
This is Why Unspoken Conversations Linger Between You Two
I'm sorry your partner and you had that same circular argument again that led to...nothing.
I'm sorry you spiraled into that same funk you've been experiencing for years except now it feels...hollow.
It's like the sensations and emotions aren't even fresh anymore.
They're played out.
This is Why You Can't Solve Your Relationship Problems
Many years ago, I found myself laid off from my teaching job, caring for two young children, and floundering.
Oh, yeah. And my spouse and I were fighting.
I would yell at him from the doorway while he was sitting on the couch looking at me blankly.
Then I would leave in a rage, wondering where I could go to figure things out and wondering who would understand.
Take A Look Back at Your Weekend, Would You?
Typically I write blogs on Friday to support a deeper connection with your partner over the weekend.
Today I invite you to take a look back at your weekend.
Are things you desire to clear, release, or redo?
Maybe something you said you'd like to figure out how to say better...
Here's Why You Should Avoid Texting Important Conversations
Ahem.
I should know better.
The first time I meet with clients -- whether individually or with their partner -- we explore and go over stress cycles:
If You Desire Connection with Your Partner Today Instead of -STUFF-
For me, nothing is more important than connection.
I don't want gifts. I don't need stuff.
I want to feel that when you and I are together, it is just us.
What Do You Have Around Your Relationship?
What do you have around your relationship?
What do you have around your sex life?
What do you have around exploring your sexuality?
Gwen Stefani sings, What You Waiting For?
I've been waiting.
I've been holding back.
I've been keeping things to myself.
I've been collecting little stones and rocks of thoughts and emotions and experiences and sensations.
6 Steps for Taking Responsibility for Triggers and Healing (your own and/or your partner's)
One of my deepest wounds and greatest triggers of unworthiness happened this week.
My birthday.
It's become a well-worn path bordered by landmines and avoidance.
Shaun's taken to be my guide on occasion, and this year was especially sweet.